I Don’t Deserve You

in my messy house
with my overdue paperwork
and all of these thoughts
of dissatisfaction,
angel
I don’t deserve you,
perhaps my reasons for
never walking up
saying, “Hi, I’m me and
I keep noticing you
playing guitar and
singing out your heart”,
is because
honey
I don’t deserve you,
you might be messy too
and self-hating in every way
yet still I’d believe it,
you’re too lovely
I don’t deserve you.

In the end, I just couldn’t make it this year. It shocks me because most years before I have been in school but done better than this. However, I don’t think I realized in undergrad how easy my life was! Here’s the closing poem for May 1st.

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Fearless

the violets have cropped up
next to forget-me-nots
begging me to remember
every single day that
my reasons for staying here
have multiplied, all I need
are a few more friends
I don’t think the cherry
blossoms or azaleas
know I’m so lonely,
but maybe you would
understand those feelings,
perhaps this time
unlike a hidden dandelion
which has escaped the
mower’s lazy, summer eyes,
I will be more of a tree
covered in blossoms
a great magnolia
declaring my love to you
without fear.

Tamna

Slowly I’ve begun
to want for nothing but you,
I have been bewitched,
I have fallen into your charms,
your coastal roads
and fields of yellow flowers,
your rows of women
in pink gloves and straw hats,
your dark ginseng farmers
lives spent in the sun,
and the earthy-herbal afternoon
bus commutes, of high school
boys in gray and black
long legs and flyaway hair,
among stone walls and
statues, your grandmothers
raising two generations
of sea women,
your crystal green waters and
white sands, the wind
knocking breath from my lungs
like a brief glance
from the prince of your kingdom,
if only he were my own love
and not another’s,
I want to steal him for myself
before he is taken by you,
together we must escape
or I will be enchanted
by your fiery mountain,
ever watching us
like the presence of God,
yes, I should go
before I want nothing more
than this.

Ornamental

Poem for April 14, 2017

Ornament, glittering in the
Jeju sunlight, as the
East sea, a treasure of the depths

You dance and sway in the
breeze, and my vision swirls into
an array of brown and green

You sing and laugh among
the yellow yoochaekkot, but even
their sweetness is not enough

Though admiration is no sin,
those who look give but glances,
while I cannot turn away

Not once, but many times have I
loved such a prize, such a masterpiece
all for naught but my ruin.

Morning and Night

if you were mine,
I’d kiss you every morning
and every night, if you were
mine, I’d take your love
everywhere like a charm
about my neck, if you were mine,
the skin you wear would
not deceive me, instead
I would look into your eyes
morning and night, I’d
see beyond the disguise and
if you were mine, we
could travel the world,
and I’d lead you down
the moonlit pathways and
mountain’s winding roads,
if you were
just mine, only mine, and
no one knew your face but I,
you’d have no reason to cry
I’d hold you tight, morning
and night, if you
were mine.

So this is from a mix of two prompts. One, write a love poem to a singer/actor you admire. Two, make use of repeated vowels and consonants. I’m good with repeated vowels (perhaps I am even drifting into a rut of repeated vowels, which doesn’t have the same feeling in all poems, so I should probably stop). Anyway, I wrote this one about Kim Namjoon, the leader of Bangtan Boys/BTS, which is a Kpop group I’m obsessed with…haha. He has a tough-guy appearance in the group but he’s actually a mix of goofy idiot and dreamy idealist…..in other words, perfection…haha….