“worthwhile pursuits”

a long thought dump/poem/prose because i’m not inspired at all tonight, and very lost in memories and thoughts.

while i stand here
in this static white space,
i see nothing but
what i’ve been lacking
so long, and the reminders
keep pouring in of
the cross, the snow, the stained
glass windows at dawn,
like my open heart surgery
that was never fully closed,
i wish you’d just
stop reminding me
constantly, of summers when
she’d run about the house,
closing old swollen
windows before storms,
her soups and sliced bell peppers
and the big fan
in the living room,
she was delighted when
i talked of the midwest,
and now i regret
because i didn’t know it then,
i hated when we had to
have nightly bible study,
now i hate myself
for my reluctance,
i’ve developed an affair,
an obsession and a deep scar
from kisses in cars and longing
for those summer nights
when crickets would cry
instead of myself as i detailed
my ascension into
the adult world, why
must you remind me of
hallways, words, and white girls
i’ve never seen nor heard,
but learned to despise more
than my own sins,
stand there and belt your songs
every sunday, at least
you aren’t a total hypocrite
we can all learn to twist
and mince our words
through the dark winter
of the north,
but the poison only works
when we’re being purposeful
in our worthwhile pursuits
good for you—-
you’ve all got yours.

Tamna

Slowly I’ve begun
to want for nothing but you,
I have been bewitched,
I have fallen into your charms,
your coastal roads
and fields of yellow flowers,
your rows of women
in pink gloves and straw hats,
your dark ginseng farmers
lives spent in the sun,
and the earthy-herbal afternoon
bus commutes, of high school
boys in gray and black
long legs and flyaway hair,
among stone walls and
statues, your grandmothers
raising two generations
of sea women,
your crystal green waters and
white sands, the wind
knocking breath from my lungs
like a brief glance
from the prince of your kingdom,
if only he were my own love
and not another’s,
I want to steal him for myself
before he is taken by you,
together we must escape
or I will be enchanted
by your fiery mountain,
ever watching us
like the presence of God,
yes, I should go
before I want nothing more
than this.

Doctrinal Differences

Poem for April 15, 2017- a few thoughts on church. Not meant to offend, just questioning why I feel the way I do. 

Show my heart the light,
though my eyes perceive
happiness has not yet entered
and darkness pervades,
while I sing
let my soul rejoice again,
winter has passed on and
spring has returned,
though He has risen
for a mere moment did I know
the bliss of His love,
perhaps I should join you
and praise in absurd ecstasy
to avoid my languid view of life,
or perhaps I don’t need to
tremble or sob out my soul
every Sunday
for God’s word to work in me.

Ornamental

Poem for April 14, 2017

Ornament, glittering in the
Jeju sunlight, as the
East sea, a treasure of the depths

You dance and sway in the
breeze, and my vision swirls into
an array of brown and green

You sing and laugh among
the yellow yoochaekkot, but even
their sweetness is not enough

Though admiration is no sin,
those who look give but glances,
while I cannot turn away

Not once, but many times have I
loved such a prize, such a masterpiece
all for naught but my ruin.

Morning and Night

if you were mine,
I’d kiss you every morning
and every night, if you were
mine, I’d take your love
everywhere like a charm
about my neck, if you were mine,
the skin you wear would
not deceive me, instead
I would look into your eyes
morning and night, I’d
see beyond the disguise and
if you were mine, we
could travel the world,
and I’d lead you down
the moonlit pathways and
mountain’s winding roads,
if you were
just mine, only mine, and
no one knew your face but I,
you’d have no reason to cry
I’d hold you tight, morning
and night, if you
were mine.

So this is from a mix of two prompts. One, write a love poem to a singer/actor you admire. Two, make use of repeated vowels and consonants. I’m good with repeated vowels (perhaps I am even drifting into a rut of repeated vowels, which doesn’t have the same feeling in all poems, so I should probably stop). Anyway, I wrote this one about Kim Namjoon, the leader of Bangtan Boys/BTS, which is a Kpop group I’m obsessed with…haha. He has a tough-guy appearance in the group but he’s actually a mix of goofy idiot and dreamy idealist…..in other words, perfection…haha….