“worthwhile pursuits”

a long thought dump/poem/prose because i’m not inspired at all tonight, and very lost in memories and thoughts.

while i stand here
in this static white space,
i see nothing but
what i’ve been lacking
so long, and the reminders
keep pouring in of
the cross, the snow, the stained
glass windows at dawn,
like my open heart surgery
that was never fully closed,
i wish you’d just
stop reminding me
constantly, of summers when
she’d run about the house,
closing old swollen
windows before storms,
her soups and sliced bell peppers
and the big fan
in the living room,
she was delighted when
i talked of the midwest,
and now i regret
because i didn’t know it then,
i hated when we had to
have nightly bible study,
now i hate myself
for my reluctance,
i’ve developed an affair,
an obsession and a deep scar
from kisses in cars and longing
for those summer nights
when crickets would cry
instead of myself as i detailed
my ascension into
the adult world, why
must you remind me of
hallways, words, and white girls
i’ve never seen nor heard,
but learned to despise more
than my own sins,
stand there and belt your songs
every sunday, at least
you aren’t a total hypocrite
we can all learn to twist
and mince our words
through the dark winter
of the north,
but the poison only works
when we’re being purposeful
in our worthwhile pursuits
good for you—-
you’ve all got yours.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s